Goodbye, Dear Friend
It was bound to happen. I knew one day I was going to have to say goodbye to my trusted, green friend. My little green Kia. She was already a bit old when I bought her, but I bought her anyway. Like picking out the runt of the litter, I chose her.
I sold my beautiful car I had before her right after my divorce. I was angry, bitter, lost and I wanted a car that separated me from the past. Well, that is what I got in my new little Kia.
This little car has seen me through years of trials. Struggles, deep snow, thunder and rain so thick I had to pull over to let it subside before I resumed driving.
I had several trips moving my baggage and boxes of my belongings from one place to another. It went from home to couch, to couch, to couch, to home to room, to storage, to room to room to room. With heavy loads and her poor little tires, she has done the miles.
Poor baby has survived several electrical cardioversion, (battery jumps), and a few heart transplants, (new batteries). She has stayed true and stayed with me throughout my years of inconsistency while I was growing into a new person. It's like she has unconditional faith in me and where I was going. While my whole life was all over the place, not knowing from one day to the next, she stayed true. She was always there. I could look outside my bedroom window and there she was. She was ready to go wherever I had to go.
There were times when I would say to her, “come on baby girl. Let's make this trip one more time. You can do it.” And she always did.
One day she wasn't doing so well. Sputtering up the hill. Shaking as I turned a corner. Crying from the inside and spilled over underneath her chest.
The coolant was leaking. There was an odor coming from the dash. Something was very wrong. She had had issues before and I was always able to get her fixed. This went on for years. She always managed to come back to life and we'd be off and running again. This time was different. I knew she wasn't able to take on another long trip. I knew that a 7-mile trip was becoming too much for her. I knew it was time for a check up.
I suspected some bad news, but I was not ready for this.
I took her in to see the best mechanic in town. They have always been honest and fair with me and I knew this time wouldn't be any different. It would take a few days before they could get to her. “Fine,” I said. “Take your time.”
I got the phone call. He told me her condition. Then he told me the cost. I knew how much she was worth and I knew that the fee to fix her was way over her dollar value.
There was nothing I could do. I knew she only had a few years left. I knew one day this would come. Truth is, I wanted to give her away to someone in need at the right time. But now, in her condition, that was out of the question. It wouldn't have changed the cost to get her fixed.
I don't know what I'm going to do with her, yet, but when I do I know it will be the right choice.
This was a lesson in growth. My baby girl and I had to say goodbye at the end of this season of my life. We came together at the start of my journey of change. The struggles, trials, confusion, and pain. I have survived and now going to a new level and that requires letting go of the past. Saying goodbye to what was my best buddy, who was with me all the way is sad but also exciting. I don't know what new thing God has for me. I just know I had to let go and release the past and prepare for what's coming.
Goodbye dear Friend.